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Joke of the Day

"Do something nice for your ex today, take them out. One bullet should do the trick."

"I told my chef wife that if she were to leave me... please leave me one of your incredible cupcakes. She replied...""I won't dessert you."""

"An abacus isn't exciting, but it's reliable. You can always count on one."

"I like the religions where they're like ""god left after he made earth."" that's exactly what I would do if i created this mess."

"Tried to catch Sirrus and Achenar yesterday Myst :)"

"That awkward moment when someone adds you on Facebook, but never says hi in real life."

"Why did Jill fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she not get back up? Because she had no legs. What did Jill get for Christmas? A bicycle."

"good news Craig, we got your murder charge bumped down to theft. just tell us why you stole that dude's blood/bones"

"What's the best machine at the gym? The vending machine."

"How do you kill 200 flies at once? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan."