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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhoea and an epileptic oyster shucker? The oyster shucker shucks between fits."

"If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis! If you smoke, you have to say ""I did not inhale"" and if you do edibles, you have to say ""I did not swallow"""

"Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot"

"Where do Angelfish swim? The Holy See"

"I want a Michael Corleone in the streets and a horse head in the sheets."

"We all say tomato. There is no alternate pronunciation."

"Daddy, where do oranges come from? Well son, when a red and a yellow really love each other..."

"I just saw the most beautiful girl, but she was wearing those huge sunglasses so there is still a chance she's a 1200 pound rhinoceros."

"An atheist, a Muslim, and a Born-again Christian are seated together on a plane. They have a pleasant flight because they're not assholes."

"friend: ""we should have a drink sometime"" *never contacts them again*"