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Joke of the Day

"Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot"

"I just got fired for sexual harassment. I'm self employed."

"Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads"

"Some Doctors see Private Clients Other Doctors see their Client's Privates."

"I hate when I shoot someone with finger pistols but I forgot to take the safety off so nothing happened and NOW IT'S SO AWKWARD :("

"Kool-Aid Man breaks through wall. ""Oh ya!"" [breaks 2nd wall] ""Oh ya!"" [3rd wall] ""OHHH YEAAHH!"" [breaks 4th wall] *Winks at camera*"

"Some dude just asked if I was ""herb friendly"". I told him I like basil and dill and he walked off. Guess he didn't have thyme to discuss it."

"""So do you want me to climb up with my bare hands or can I use some sort of climbing device?"" The latter."

"What do you call an Asian who breaks a lot of wind? Fa Ting"

"Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin' to Do."