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Joke of the Day

"If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis! If you smoke, you have to say ""I did not inhale"" and if you do edibles, you have to say ""I did not swallow"""

"It's so cool how avocados take forever to get ripe then they're ripe for about 15 minutes then they're rotten then I kill all these hostages"

"Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? Who cares?"

"What was the last thing Hitler said to his men, before they got into their tanks? Men, get into your tanks."

"(NSFW) She told me.... She told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her twice and punched her in the mouth!"

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're a teen."

"It ruins the joke and confuses everyone. What happens when you mix up where to put the set-up and the punchline of a joke?"

"I like my women like I like my Twinkies.. Cream-filled"

"If there's one thing I'm better at than everyone else... It's humility."

"Firing Squad 2 men lined against a wall ready to be shot by a fireing squad..""have you any last requests""says the soldier...Yes says the man..can we stand behind the wall..."