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Joke of the Day

"For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell ""Oh God! She was pregnant!"""

"How do you get a fat girl into bed? It's a piece of cake"

"Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad"

"Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost."

"my boss is asking how I'm feeling today how do I explain that I've done about 20 grams of animal tranquilizer within 5 days"

"Fog is like lingerie for the sky."

"I was feeling depressed, so I drank some brandy and went to the gym That really lifted my spirits"

"When David shot Goliath, there was a giant thunderstorm. He was just slinging in the rain."

"I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am."

"What would be a great name for a Mexican Boy Band? Juan Direction."