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Joke of the Day

"If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed."

"Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own."

"What's a vampire's fetish? Neckrophilia"

"Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas, it was in vein."

"I'm positive I lost an electron... ...better keep an ion that."

"I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off."

"I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings."

"A little boy says, Dad,....... A little boy says, Dad, I've heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.' Son,' says the dad. That happens everywhere.'"

"my daughter hones her survival instincts by forgoing the provided bowl and spreading goldfish crackers all over the house to forage & store"

"knock knock, whos there? your ex wife ................."