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Joke of the Day
"What's a vampire's fetish? Neckrophilia"
Next Joke
"Hey, hip hop artists. Would it kill you to throw in a few rhymes about raisin toast or farmers' markets?"
"I'm so thankful for my kids.If it weren't for them I'd never know what a cool sound my vacuum cleaner makes when it sucks up Rice Crispies."
"Where do drinks go on vacation? Coaster Rica"
"It's always a little disconcerting how before you trust them with your life every airline checks you in using computers running Windows 95."
"Can't wait til Feb. 15th...otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate day."
"[Job interview] ""What are your strengths?"" Me: I fall in love easily. ""Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?"" Me: Those blue eyes of yours."
"My coworker and I have the same job title with the same number of years experience. He was pissed when he found out my salary was only a fraction his. Turns out that fraction is 2/1"
"I have come up with the most awkward event of all time: the Father-Son wedding dance."
"DIY - previous owners thought a bright red living room a good idea. 12 coats of heavy duty primer later... This Kilz the walls."