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Joke of the Day

"If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story."

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"LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants."
"What did Hillary Clinton say when she got to the restaurant? ""Can I have a private server?"""
"[knocks on neighbor's door] HI CAN I COME TO YOUR YELLING PARTY"
"(Meta) To all the people with disgusting ""jokes"" Guess what......... Chicken Butts!"
"What do you cal a bear with extreme mood swings? A bi-polar bear."
"If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits."
"Lauren on Facebook asks: ""What's the best way to ward off ghosts?"" To which I replied: ""a camera."""
"ladies say I'm a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I'm uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed"
"Whats the most important aspect of gun safety to practice around a feminist? Trigger discipline"