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Joke of the Day

"How come ants don't go to the church? They are in sects."

"Her Parents: Tell us how u two love birds met Me: We were in a tweet contest & was added to a DM room & then I gave her a fake trophy HP: .."

"A man sneezes on the subway who clearly has a cold. The man next to him says in a disgusted tone, ""people like you make me sick."""

"So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me."

"We had a proper, serious, grown-up discussion about pornography recently, and my girlfriend said, ""I don't get porn. Why would I want to watch to people have sex?"" I said, ""Two? People?"""

"""Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?"" Crowd: ""NEIGH!"" ""Jesus Christ."""

"I recently bought a dog from a Blacksmith... And as soon as I got him into the house he made a bolt for the door"

"I bet there are at least a few seconds when a tiger is chasing you where you look back and are like, ""awwww..."""

"I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings. You could say I have a complex complex complex."

"Why didn't the old man wear old man reading glasses? They were too on-the-nose."