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Joke of the Day
"Q: What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender? A: Rhesus Pieces."
Next Joke
"[train] GUY: Please take my seat. ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you. GUY: How far along are you? ME: 5 stops."
"What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say ""insert Bill here"""
"A man walks into a bakery... And looks at the prices of the bread. The bread is very cheap, and he tells the baker, ""Man, at that price this is a stale."""
"What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend? See you next month!"
"Why did the Dollar note become 4 Quarters? Because it wanted ""to change"". *ducks*"
"I told my friends that I'm going for a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary. Joke's on them, they are too."
"Find a penny Pick it up & all the day You'll have significantly raised chances of contracting a bacterial infection ..."
"Movie Idea: Michael Cera falls down a spiral staircase then pets a cat."
"Sometimes I'm right. Other times my wife is close enough to hear what I'm saying."