15101

Joke of the Day

"*whispers in bed* I want to try something with you I've never done before *engages in a loving and mutually beneficial adult relationship*"

"Best of luck to Steven Gerrard, who's retired from not winning the World Cup to concentrate on not winning the Premier League."

"Someone should make a website that allows you to anonymously chat with random Jews from around the world. They could call it 'Oi-megle'."

"Sunset The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good."

"First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory."

"If someone makes you want to murder them, don't hesitate to do it. That moment you wait is the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder."

"I want to give you guys my best dad joke... ...but I'm afraid you won't give it back."

"""Pick a pencil. Look at it. Now put it back with the other pencils. Was your pencil the number 2?""-Steve, shitty pencil magician"

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well... I was amazed, I never knew they worked."

"What's your favourite onomatopoeic word? Mine's ""silence""."