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Joke of the Day

"""Pick a pencil. Look at it. Now put it back with the other pencils. Was your pencil the number 2?""-Steve, shitty pencil magician"

"Wife: morning Me: good morning Wife: my parents are coming over for dinner tonight Me [pouring bleach in my coffee]: uh huh that's great"

"What do you call the device that keeps an Armenian man safe? A Serj Protector."

"A man walks into a bar... ... He ended up with three stiches on his nose."

"I bought a new black router today... I think I'm gonna name it Martin Router King"

"Sometimes you have to accept that the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you."

"What does a worm do in a cornfield? It goes in one ear and out the other"

"NSFW Dad walks into a room And sees his daughter masturbating with a carrot. ""Daamn"" - he says: ""I was going to eat that later! And now it's gonna taste like carrots!!!"""

"I like to help my children think up cruel nicknames for the other kids at their school."

"What did the baker say to the baby lamb who stole his dough? ""Oh baby ewe...you got what I knead!"""