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Joke of the Day
"Where does bad light end up? in prism"
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"""There won't be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain't a species made to last."""
"What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final? The referee"
"Condoms are all reusable. you just gotta shake the fuck out of them first."
"If I were a woman, I'd probably say things like ""gotta go polish the petunia"" and then back my car into a mailbox."
"[after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn] ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this"
"I swallowed a Ice Cube and I haven't pooped it out yet, I'm really scared you guys."
"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his ass."
"""sir we don't hire people to be mannequins"" Me:*strikes mannequin pose* ""No, sir we don-"" M:*new pose* [under breath] ""damn this guys good"""
"How are Oklahoma 3.2 beers like sex in a canoe? They're both fucking close to water."