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Joke of the Day

"Trying to grab something out of my minivan while the automatic door is closing is the most Indiana Jones-y part of my day."

"*Young Jesus plays with food* Mary: you're not playing until you finish your bread and fish! *ugh* *touches food* *it multiplies* NOOOOOO!!!"

"Son: Mom mom at school they call me a liar Mom: Shut up, you dont even go to school"

"There was this group on Facebook called Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat'. So I became a fan."

"How to pass the Bechdel Test ""Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt."""

"When my wife told me to stop imitating flamingos, I had to put my foot down"

"Is this subreddit a vacuum? Because it sure does suck."

"What are some outstanding hamburger colleges? Brandeis Cowlifornia State Hoofstra Pen State Ranchelaer Polytechnic Burgereley and Moosouri!"

"At school, I saw my principal walking around in a daze. I asked him what happened, and he just looked at me and said, ""I've lost my faculties!"""

"My girlfriend said she won't miss the iPhone headphone jack as much as everyone. Said she goes to bed to another miniscule 3.5mm thing anyway."