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Joke of the Day

"What do the Washington Metro system and the Little Mermaid have in common? They're both under DC."

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"What do you call a crime-solving blender. Deducer"
"The reason why the current season of GoT is not so good as the last one ... because my wife said so."
"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar... I only know this because this joke is reposted here every god damn week."
"What did the nutrionist say to the zombies as they were breaking down the doors of a hospital in West Hollywood? ""Don't forget to eat your gays and invalids."""
"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
"It's not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight."
"Karen: Are we ok? Me: [removes earbud] Yes. Karen: It's just that you named a Spotify playlist ""LET'S GET DIVORCED"""
"I used to be a narcissist But now look at me"
"My iPhone keeps auto-correcting ""My iPhone keeps auto-correcting"" to "" You don't have a fucking iPhone, asshole""."