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Joke of the Day

"Are shellfish warm? No they're clammy!"

"Pregnancy tests make me wish peeing on things answered more questions."

"WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady who's baby I stole."

"Helen Keller just found out about LSD. She thinks it'll make her see things."

"When mad at the hubby, I just tweet about it. I don't sleep with a waitress that looks just like him. I'm talking to you David Arquette."

"Kanye West at the Sistine Chapel, amazed that it was painted by a Ninja Turtle."

"Who should we vote for the next president? Gabe Newell. There will never be a World War 3."

"I have a Punjabi friend He Singhs very well"

"Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there."

"Women want to be equal to men in every aspect except dating. You all want the same positions in the rest of the world but still expect to be wined and dined. How about steaks and bjs for the guys."