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Joke of the Day

"Tequila doesn't make me drunk and disorderly, it just seems that way, cuz Police Reports are all written by cops."

"Dear people who manually retweet, I hope the next time you're about to get laid someone steps in and does it for you"

"How do you find an alive baby in a pile of dead babies? With a pitchfork!"

"Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home."

"I think I'm allergic to cats. They give me stomach aches."

"I wouldn't say I'm superstitious, just a little stitious."

"Soccer player calls his wife after a game... Player: ""I scored two goals!!"" Wife: ""Great! What was the end scored?"" Player: ""1:1"""

"AVN's Best Actress Award goes too... you acting pussy like a chick in a porn film."

"Instructions for falling down the stairs: Step 1, step 6, step 7, step 8, step 12."

"Why is the Adults only store open 24hrs? Because get off at different times."