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Joke of the Day

"Soccer player calls his wife after a game... Player: ""I scored two goals!!"" Wife: ""Great! What was the end scored?"" Player: ""1:1"""

"""Dear God, make me a bird, so I can..."" *turns into penguin* ""DAMMIT I WASN'T FINISHED!"""

"Motion to rename biological clock ""restless egg syndrome."""

"A priest walks into a shoemakers shope... And says to the cobbler, ""Help! My soles need heeling!"""

"Two chicken are gossiping... And one of them says to the other: ""You know Brad?"" ""Yeah."" ""He's a total dick."""

"[morning] her: did you dream about me? me: that depends...are you a member of the Backstreet Boys? her: umm no me: then no"

"If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea."

"We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived. Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!"

"What happens when a linguist gets sick? Plosive diarrhea"

"I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that's all well & good but they totally got the giraffe's accent wrong."