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Joke of the Day

"Me: I bet you die before you figure out how to text me back. *3 years later* Grandma: Fuck you bitch. Say bye to your inheritance"

"My wife told me she used to be a lesbian once ""You mean I turned you?"" I asked with a grin. ""No...."" she replied wistfully. ""I just ran out of money."""

"coining ""twoosh"", a contraction of tweet-swoosh. It's when your tweet hits exactly 140 characters sans editing. Nothing but net."

"How do you piss off 2 feminazis? Put them in a room with each other"

"What type of Bees provide millk? Boobees (boobies)"

"What did Steven hawking say when he first got his wheelchair? I can't stand being in this"

"Circumcision jokes are.... ....pointless."

"How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? You will find out when the light comes on."

"My appointment at Gamblers Anonymous is at 25 to 1..."

"Did you hear Donald Sterling is having a child? Paula Dean is the mother."