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Joke of the Day

"How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first."

"Back in LA who wants to make plans & cancel them & talk about rescheduling but never do then just like each other's FB post to keep it cool"

"Paper towel ads always show kids making huge messes then mom smiles & cleans it up. My mom would've handed me a mop then beat me with a belt"

"Just filled a bird bath with ranch dressing so my feathered friends have something to dip worms in. Pay it forward, everybody."

"I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack.."

"With all this talk of making Puerto Rico the 51st state, I think we should find 2 more to make 53. One nation, indivisible."

"Remember alcohol and calculus dont mix So don't drink and derive"

"ME: 3 Big Macs please. lol it's my cheat day CLERK: you ordered the same thing yesterday ME:[leans in] why don't u mind your own gd business"

"I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen"

"How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel."