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Joke of the Day

"How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel."

"What did the windmill say to Lady Gaga? I'm a really big fan."

"Her: What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom? Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests."

"COP: put ur hands in the air ME: ok C: now flip them over M: k? C: now cross them M: what C: put them behind ur head M: why- C: hey macarena"

"[at ultrasound] Nurse: there it is. There's your baby Me visibly relieved: oh Jesus thank u Wife whispering to nurse: he thought it was bees"

"I used to be into bestiality, sadism, and necrophilia... But eventually I realized I was beating a dead horse."

"""wow with attitude like this do you even have friends"" me: yes in fact i have all 10 seasons of it"

"Oh yeah? Well if I'm so gay like you say, then why do I have to think about my wife when I have sex with dudes, hmmm?"

"Blind people should not skydive. It scares the crap out of their dogs."

"You have beautiful eyes. Too bad they're attached to the head of a stark raving lunatic."