150454

Joke of the Day

"My head hurts worse than your life sucks. Too bad a couple of Advil can't help your patheticism."

"1. Dial random number. 2. Wait for answering machine. 3. Say ""My wife is out of town, I miss you"". 4. Hang up. 5. Happy Valentine's Day."

"I read the symptoms for being a hypochondriac... AND I HAVE ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!!!!"

"My friend tells me he gets 20 times more bitches than me I told him: u get no bitches because 20*0=0 :("

"There is nothing funnier than yelling ""SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!"" at a mom having a hard time with her kid in public."

"It makes me sad when people tell me they married their best friend, mostly because marriage between a woman and Vodka will never be legal."

"Told my coworker I want a dragon. He said I'm crazy for wanting anything that might set all my shit on fire but he's the one that's married."

"haha lol ownded dad!!!! u may thimk its nice that u get a fathers day once a year, but ther is a son day evrey week"

"I know that Bill Cosby is guilty because his comedy has been putting me to sleep for years"

"I accidently filled the escort with diesel.... And she died."