150265

Joke of the Day

"Knock knock Who's there? The pastor The pastor who? Open the fucking door goddamit, there's a crazy white man with a gun, let me out!"

"What kind of nuts go on a carrot cake? First time posting to r/baking."

"*Whispers, spitters are for quitters. ~Wine tasting, you pervs!"

"One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever."

"Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow? So that he didn't fall in the hot cocoa."

"I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him. He must be Haydn."

"RANDOM FACT: Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder."

"How did Nazi's pickup Jewish Women? With a dust pan and broom"

"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."

"I suspect that my cat has plans to kill me. But has just never been awake long enough to carry them out."