149997

Joke of the Day

"Welcome to Dick's hotdogs, if you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks."

"A guy orders a pizza He asks ""How long will the pizza be?"" The waiter replies ""About 12 inches."""

"If you receive a text from Liam Neeson that says ""LMAO,"" it stands for ""let's murder Albanians overseas"" and he wants his daughter back."

"(Not a joke) The Aristocrats I'm sure all of you had different forms or variations of The Aristocrats, but what's the best one you guys have heard?"

"I beat off with a hammer cuz I'm bad to the bone."

"Sean Spicer said the inauguration had the ""largest audience ever."" Then he took it back because your mother left."

"Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho"

"If you try to rip somebody's head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don't succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward."

"Why did Luke Skywalker get in trouble for using the Live Long and Prosper sign? It's because he was accused of cultural appropriation."

"As a girl, what's both a good and a bad thing to say when a guy can't get it up? ""No hard feelings"""