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Joke of the Day

"What do Russians use to censor websites? The Inter-nyet."

"The people in this ad look 'indie' & remind me of myself. As a consumer this makes me feel good. Now I will purchase all their products"

"What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes!"

"I can accomplish great things if I apply myself... At least that's what a high school guidance counselor with a shit job and a bottle of whiskey in his desk told me once."

"I stuffed some socks in my pants to impress the ladies but it didn't work so I'll try moving the socks to the front of my pants."

"Dear Short guy at the gym who's really fucking jacked. I don't think your goal should be to grow wider, little buddy..."

"What's the difference ? What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went? There is no difference, you always regret both!"

"I like my women like I like my peanut butter... ...brown, smooth, and easy to spread. Props to Shakes the Clown."

"Tom Cruise Jokes, Anyone?"

"I do 5 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button."