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Joke of the Day

"I do 5 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button."

"what happens when you die? I've seen much scientific and spiritual literature researching and explaining what happens when people die. I've found that generally, they get put in the ground."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman mad for no particular reason."

"Ask a friend this: ""Hey, you ever blow Bubbles?"" ""Of course I did."" ""Well, I think he enjoyed it. He's back in town and asking for you."""

"[therapy session] THERAPIST: ok...I totally respect your feelings & you sound genuine...but that was just the plot of Jurassic Park ME: nuh uh"

"Did you hear about the lesbians that built a house yeah, they didn't get any studs, it's all tongue and groove"

"What is the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? One goes **Whack** ""Shit!"" and the other goes ""Shit!"" **Whack**"

"TL; DR: Action hero references Oedipus Die Hard's John McClane and his catchphrase . . ."

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo..."

"How do you tell if a girl is ticklish? You give her a test-tickle."