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Joke of the Day

"smart husband Wife: honey, can i hold henry? (their new baby) Husband: wait until he cries. Wife: why?? Husband: because i cant find him!!!!!!"

"""I'm into homosexual necrophilia."" ...Tom said, in dead earnest."

"What did Ryu say when he was taking a dump?... ""IMMM-DUKEN!'"""

"MURDERER: [looking for me] You better of hidden well or you're dead ME: [under bed, tears in my eyes] It's better HAVE"

"Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination"

"""i wonder what i'll order from amazon prime today"" - me every morning kinda"

"what is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? one is heavy, and the other is a little lighter."

"My voicemail message is just me sighing for 20 minutes."

"An invisible man and an invisible woman got married. Their kids were nothing to look at either."

"What do you call a White Woman that has had over 4 Abortions? Income Equality activist"