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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."""

"Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants."

"Greatest pickup line that never works!! I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U."

"Double standards are amazing. If I take my top off I'm called a ""poser"". But if a women does it, suddenly I'm not allowed to masturbate?"

"Him: Where'd you get that black eye? Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too..."

"Roses are grey, Violets are grey I'm a dog."

"What did Truman Burbank's father say to him? Don't you worry don't you worry child, Seahaven's got a plan for you"

"I know Aladdin can't wish for more wishes, but why can't he just wish for more genies?--My 5 year old and future lawyer, probably."

"Why do the English always carry umbrellas? Because umbrellas can't walk"

"If you put your right ear really close to your left knee and you listen... ...you can hear a voice say 'What the fuck are you doing?'"