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Joke of the Day
"What does ISIS and Little Miss Muffet have in common? They both have Kurds in their way."
Next Joke
"So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil... But nevermind, it's pointless."
"iPhone chargers are like arguments with a woman some days you have 1, some days you have 5"
"No, 2013, you were not the worst year. But thank you for trying."
"Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally."
"Which president was least guilty? Lincoln, because he is in a cent."
"Asterisks are awesome. *tosses a midget dressed in sexy maid outfit off the Eiffel Tower with parachute made of pancakes*"
"How many sad soccer fans are there today? A Brazillion..."
"If Tom Cruise had an intervention to an addiction... They should call it ""Cruise Control."""
"My neighbor's looking at me like she's never seen a guy stuck in her doggy door before. And what's with the screaming? And the golf club?!"