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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys see that post about ISIS and Taliban announcing jihad against each other? It really blew up"

"My grandpa said that my generation relies too much on technology So I said ""No, your generation relies too much on technology."" And I unplugged his life support."

"Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow."

"Do pigs like Backgammon? No they prefer their backs scratched."

"America was not shut down properly. Would you like to restart America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)"

"How can a girl make you a millionnaire? If you're already a billionnaire."

"Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To have sex with your mom."

"Some of your timelines are my morning paper."

"I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed."