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Joke of the Day

"Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow."

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"advice: describing someone's cupcakes as being ""better than sex"" is only a compliment if you aren't sleeping with them"
"Margaret Thatcher has only been in hell for half a day... ...but she's already sorted out Satan's budget deficit, busted up the demons' union and made Hitler cry during a debate."
"Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers fight for nicest person ever. Who wins? They both share the trophy"
"What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam!"
"Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn't a ghost"
"When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?"
"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... Ba dum tiss"
"""weed is a gateway drug"" ""to what? the fridge? Hahaha"" *loses car, house, wife, and job because of fridge addiction*"
"Sports fad invented by pigs: Mud wrestling."