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Joke of the Day

"""It is scary how much false attribution of quotes occurs on Twitter."" - Mark Twain"

"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Usain Bolt? Usain Bolt can actually finish a race."

"What sort of cereal does Thor eat? Loki Charms."

"This fat hate on reddit has been ridiculous lately. Come on, give them a break. They have enough on their plates already."

"Don't move leaves without their permission... That's rake."

"BBC News: Man is killed by wave. Fuck, how big was the other guy's hand!?"

"Startling awake... is a good way to startle a wake"

"Do Russians only write in lower case letters? I mean, they hate Capitalism."

"How do you make a buff guy talk to you for hours? ask about his routine."

"I was kicked out of the gym for arguing with my step aerobics instructor, but I don't care. She's not my real aerobics instructor."