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Joke of the Day

"Startling awake... is a good way to startle a wake"

"My corduroy pillow has been making headlines all week."

"turn on: when you double space your essay and it goes from 3 to 5 pages"

"What Does A Redneck Call It When He Visits His Cousin Outside His Town? Entering the friend zone."

"I don't care what bathroom you identify with. If you look under the stall you're going to need a dentist."

"My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.."

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did didn't I you stupid fool!!"

"You know why was i mad after a half hour in the bathroom? i couldn't do shit."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero"

"The Malaysian athletes at the Commonwealth Games are looking very nervous Must be thinking about the flight home already."