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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand why people get embarrassed buying condoms. It's much more awkward trying to return them. ""She didn't like me."""

"How many dead babies do you need to turn on the light? More than 20, because my basement is still dark."

"Is there any Indian left? No, there's naan left."

"Playing the prequel to Angry Birds where the pigs fuck all the birds' wives."

"4yo: Can I have some more Easter candy? Me: After lunch 4yo: I want lunch right now. I'm starving!! Me: We just ate breakfast 4yo: Starving!"

"A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.'"

"A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. ""Stop being an idiot,"" said one wife who lives in my house."

"My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids menu!!"

"Why was the Women not Afraid of the Shark? It was a man eating shark (sorry it's so bad)"

"Do buses and trains run on time? Usually yes. No they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks."