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Joke of the Day

"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN..."

"Have you heard the myth about how the internet was created? It's an Allegory."

"My spouse just said I'm such a cheap date that he knew he'd actually save money by marrying me. I'm apparently the Geico of women."

"My dad always warned me about anal sex He said son this is gonna hurt"

"I'm glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done"

"You're breaking up with me because I ""don't put food in the correct things?"" WTF? After I've JUST made you a delicious bowl of toast??"

"Greatest Hipster Joke Of All Time How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool!"

"What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. ~ Infinite Jest, by DFW"

"ALCOHOL: The nighttime laughing, slurring, blurring, shouting, pounding head, confidence, so you can turnt shit up medicine."

"How do you become president of Russia? You gotta Put-in the hours"