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Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma is so ugly... I don't understand your Oedipus complex."

"I needed some white noise yesterday to go to sleep. So i recorded myself saying ""All lives matter"" and played it on repeat until i fell asleep."

"[Courtroom] Judge: One more word & I'll hold you in contempt! Me: Yes! *jumps on his lap & throws arms around him* This is nice."

"TIL that in the US a woman is raped every 56 seconds And boy is my dick starting to get sore."

"Don't believe that bullshit. Failure is ALWAYS an option."

"We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures."

"One day... I was on the front page of reddit"

"1. Read directions on box. 2. Throw box away. 3. Pull box out of the trash 15 seconds later. 4. Repeat."

"I arrived at the annual premature ejaculation society. They said, ""Your early sir""? I replied, ""I know, I came on the bus"""

"What was the last line in Anne Frank's diary? Just a moment, someone's knocking on the door.."