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Joke of the Day

"I don't like abbreviations. I'm a real abbreviations National Socialist."

"""Sorry, boss. I can't come in today."" ""Why not?"" [fakes a sore throat] ""I'm in jail for vehicular manslaughter."""

"Anyone know a good lawyer? (Question sponsored by Al Tebehalah's Discount Lobotomies)"

"I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying"

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!"

"What type of fish needs to be tuned? Tune a fish"

"Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ? It was a moth ball !"

"Son: what shall I go as to the Halloween party, mum? Mum: Hang your GCSE results around your neck and go as a fucking idiot, son."

"My wife and I were happy for 22 years...... Then we met!"

"My therapist cries ""Why me?"" for the full hour."