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Joke of the Day

"Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals... ...because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the United States."

"Who is this Rorschach guy.... ... and why does he paint all these pictures of my parents fighting?"

"You know why I Hate Carpools? Everytime I go through a tunnel my wrist hurts."

"without moms we'd have no password security questions. thanks mom, for making online banking possible"

"cop: ""sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood"" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: ""ok that's better"""

"Asked my 1st grade students the riddle: What has four fingers and a thumb but is not alive? (A glove.) First response: ""My Aunt Lydia."""

"Bill:""My homework is really difficult tonight I've to write an essay on an elephant.""? Bert:""Well for a start your going to need a big ladder.."""

"I try to accomplish epic missions before the microwave hits zero."

"My mother was feeling cold so now I'm wearing a sweater."

"Don't ever go to Bates Motel... a PSYCO lives there!"