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Joke of the Day

"On hold with IKEA. The message just told me ""there's more to life than furniture."" Time to reevaluate everything I thought I knew."

"What's worse than peaking in high school? Climaxing to middle schoolers."

"If you're hot I'm going to follow you. nnnnJust like I do on twitter."

"What is heavy forward but not backward? **ton**"

"What's the difference between a religion and a cult? A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid."

"What did the little black kid think when he got diarrhea? He was melting"

"Do you know what a Timberwolf is? No. Thats a guy that chases a girl up a tree and kisses her inbetween the limbs."

"If I stalked you any harder, you'd be a missing person."

"Can you tease, please and never squeeze Argentina? Yes, but you Gotze try a little tenderness."

"Can we stop calling it 'Breaking news' and start calling it 'bloody hell what now'"