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Joke of the Day

"I know why all those Galaxy Note Sevens keep catching fire! My mix tape comes pre-installed on them."

"Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year."

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just beat the room for being black."

"I know the voices in my head aren't real but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!"

"i like how at the end of old movies it says the end' so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved"

"Why did Charles Darwin become a scientist? He was just playing to his strengths. It was really a natural selection."

"If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out."

"I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt."

"What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? her bellybutton."

"BREAKING: Barack Obama just elected President of the US - Sent from Internet Explorer"