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Joke of the Day

"i like how at the end of old movies it says the end' so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved"

"What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip?? Juan."

"What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings? Awarewolf"

"Two Fish There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, ""You man the guns, I'll drive."""

"Medical science still doesn't have a cure for premature ejaculation, but researchers say it's coming quickly."

"""Give it to me! Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella."

"This is how bad immigration is getting. I walked into my local corner shop wondering if I could pay by my card and all I said was ""Visa?"" The fucking twat ran off!"

"""Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. ""What?! Really?!"", I said. ""Yep! Go pack your things and get ready"", my dad said. ""They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."""

"What's the difference between a gun and a feminist? A gun has one trigger."

"Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live,. So I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years, problem solved."