148873

Joke of the Day

"I hate Windows Embedded systems so much... They make me WinCE"

"What do you call a sick bird? An illegal."

"How is giving oral sex similar to smoking a cigarette? The flavor gets stronger the closer you get to the butt."

"I measured my penis today and it said 11.7 inches. Then I realized the ruler was backwards. Credit to /u/TodoJaw21"

"Does the 5 second rule count for a baby? Asking for... Nevermind, her mom picked her up."

"Why does Santa carry a heavy sack? Because he come once in an year."

"An unofficial source at the USDOT just informed me that Yesterday was he most car-accident free day in US recorded history"

"A giraffes' tongue is 18 inches long. Good thing it's not 12 inches long. Otherwise, it would be a foot."

"Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat? If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry."

"My wife asked if I was coming to our daughter's dance recital... I was, but I paused the video, pulled up my pants, and denied it."