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Joke of the Day
"Which burgers are dishonest? Cat-burgers! (burglars)"
Next Joke
"Have you heard about the two guys who tried to steal a calendar? They each got six months"
"A woman said to me, ""Has anyone ever told you that you look like Brad Pitt?"" I said, ""No, nobody."" She said, ""They've clearly never seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."""
"Coming Soon Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold *cue explosion* PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN *fade to black*"
"A guy calls 911 ""Send an ambulance! My wife's having a baby!"" ""Just calm down down"", says the operator, ""Is this her first baby?"" ""No it's her husband you idiot!"""
"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."
"No one wants to feel like an obligation. Either commit to them or leave."
"BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl."
"Sometimes I like to pretend an ! is just a ? squeezing through a tight space."
"I wish i was ugly for just one single day.. Because being ugly everyday just sucks!"