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Joke of the Day

"I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it's health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!"

"I work a desk job in an AT&T franchise building I can never get any work done because the internet keeps going down..."

"Hey check out this new candle I got. -Sweet. What flavor is it? I think you mean 'what scent is it?' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What?"

"Why are lawyers and their clients not allowed to engage in sexual relations? So the client doesn't get billed twice for getting fucked twice!"

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a man? Just one, if you put it in the right place."

"My only fitness goal is to look good enough where if I ever posed naked people wouldn't see it and say, ""Wow, that's so brave of him."""

"Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the ""mystery flavor"" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?"

"Boss: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Me: Not cool, dude. Jan's just pregnant. Him:.. Me: Jan if you report this I got your back."

"Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off."

"Great wine is like great jazz... It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same. EDIT: Front page? Hot damn! Now what do I do with my life?"