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Joke of the Day

"Boss: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Me: Not cool, dude. Jan's just pregnant. Him:.. Me: Jan if you report this I got your back."

"To tell the difference between African and Indian elephants you have to look at their ears. You lift one up and shout ""Where are you from?"""

"My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified."

"A pirate walks into a bar... And orders a bottle of rum. The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars. The pirate replies, ""Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???"""

"My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it's my fault."

"[watches you eat my bday cake] ""I've poisoned that."" ""Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?"" [leans in & winks] ""Poison."""

"The owner of the local pet store let me take a test fish home to see if I'd like one as a pet... ...It was a beta"

"""Name?"" queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs."

"My girlfriend says that having a small penis isn't an issue in our relationship.. I still wish she didn't have one though."

"What's the difference between a girl's track team and a pygmy tribe? One is a bunch of cunning runts."