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Joke of the Day

"What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!"

"What sound does a gun made from church seating make? Pew Pew.. Sorry. Just became a father 2 years ago. I have some catching up to do."

"Thanks to twitter the approval of family and friends has taken a backseat to the approval of strangers on the Internet."

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheelchair!"

"Two Texans taking a leak off the GW Bridge on a December night Man, it's cold. Yeah, deep too!"

"My contact lenses just fell out and fell down the toilet.. Now I can't see sh!t."

"Islam is a religion of peace. Piece of you over here, piece of you over there..."

"Why do so many American kids die in school shootings? They're not allowed to run in the halls. [-Jimmy Carr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpxmKKtbw7w)"

"My anti bacterial hand wash promises to kill germs & moisturise at the same time. Such violence & nurturing from the one product."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street.. And one of them was assaulted."