148328
Joke of the Day
"I invented telescopic arms for snooker players........and the rest is history."
Next Joke
"jesus could get on twitter and be like ""fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!"" and someone would be like ""you're""."
"I thought The Walking Dead was having a special tonight.... Turns out it was just The Rolling Stones performing at the 12/12/12 concert."
"why did the golfer wear two pants? in case he got a hole in one"
"A woman walks into a brothel trying to find work... ""Do you have any openings here?"" she asks the manager. The manager replies, ""Sorry, we have too many right now."""
"What do you get when your iPhone auto-corrects ""lardass""? Kardashian"
"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."
"A Google Doc of friends' employment status so everyone knows who can chill whenever."
"*Sees girl trying to reach soup on top shelf* ""Here let me get that"" I say [Beacuse I'm much taller] *I put the soup in my cart & walk away*"
"I got arrested one night while camping... The policeman said I was loitering within tent."