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Joke of the Day

"Why do Communists drink herbal tea? Because proper-tea is theft."

"'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?"

"What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants? Ferniture."

"My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207..."

"My alcohol addiction was so bad i used to drink hand sanitiser! Im clean now!"

"I shit my pants the other day. Which is funny, because I don't remember eating them."

"Some of my most meaningful relationships started because I was too lazy to leave the room."

"I am absolutely mortified right now. I sent someone a DM to my small business center and TinyURL shortened it to http://tinyurl.com/acockk"

"What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch."

"What does Bill Clinton say when he is having anal sex with Hillary Clinton? I'm fucking Hillary-ass (hilarious)"