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Joke of the Day

"I told my boyfriend I wanted to break up with him for very mature reasons... His dick was too small."

"Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why."

"A black kid has diarrhea... ...and he runs screaming to his mom: ""Momm, momm, I am melting!!"""

"Joined a gym once. 12 bystanders were injured. So much blood. 2 people renounced their faith. At night I still hear the treadmill screaming."

"If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too."

"This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What's your name? What's your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?"

"I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger then it hit me!"

"There should be a terrible show about a woman, her mom, and her daughter, all 3 named Jennifer, called ""Jenerations"" on Lifetime or the CW."

"HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything"