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Joke of the Day

"Saw Interstellar over the weekend & was totally glued to my seat. The movie was OK but the getting-glued-to-my-seat thing ruined it for me."

"What do you call a fist fight at noon? A lunchbox"

"For people who say bernie sanders and is socialist ideals is going to revive the red scare... Actually we're blue... (Go bernie!)"

"What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay? Heavy petting."

"Why women live longer than men? Because shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying bills does."

"Q: How is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music? A: If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat."

"Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they call me ugly and poor."

"What did the Hawaiian terrorists say when they blew up a restaurant? ALOHA SNACKBAR"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches, a peeping tom watches snatches."

"I hate how much time my kids spend staring at their iPads. I wish they'd look up once in a while & pay attention to me staring at my iPhone."